Multiple Chemical Sensitivity

Perception
Part III - Desire

Click Here for Perception Part I
Click Here for Perception Part II

So far we know that the brain filters out and adds to what we perceive to match our expectations as set forth by our existing world view. We also know that a lot of what we take for granted in these perceptions are short-cuts created for the mind to quickly interoperate incoming sensory data in ways that contributed to our ancestors survival. There is a saying that has haunted me when thinking about perception, “When you not only master your perceptions but also master your desires you will find the world is quite a bit different then you thought.”

What is desire? Why do we crave what we crave? Are these desires serving us or do we need to see beyond some of these as well? One desire we as humans have that has been getting a lot of attention in the media lately is our craving for high calorie refined foods, and more to the point the damage giving into the desire for these foods is causing. Over consuming foods with high levels of refined fat and sugar is causing life expectancy rates among certain portions of the population to decline for the first time since the industrial revolution. So why do we have these cravings that are killing us? It’s important to remember that we are not really designed for life in our modern world. We spent the vast majority of our time as a species traveling around in bands of twenty to thirty people hunting and gathering for our survival. For our ancestors fat and sugar were rare super foods loaded with energy. In the calorie poor world of the hunter/gatherer being drawn to these foods may have meant eating enough macro-nutrients to be sufficiently healthy to live in a harsh environment. Healthy enough to have the chance to pass on their genes to the next generation. Those who did not taste ‘Sweet’, those who did not find that ‘Fat is Flavor’ and thus were not drawn to the experience of consuming these types of food were at a disadvantage to those who did.

Our instinctual desires tend to be centered on two categories: Survival and Replication. Where the example of the high calorie food was centered on Survival, what were drawn to in other people is often centered around Replication (Please understand that when I discuss these desires I’m talking about populations over time and not necessarily about individuals in specific circumstances, individuals can make choices to fit the need of the moment - although I suspect most of us, if we are honest with ourselves, can relate to struggling with these at some pointing our lives). Many of us have had, or know someone who has had, the experience of being drawn to the ‘wrong person’. What we Should want in a partner, what we often say we are looking for in romantic partner, is all too often NOT what we actually Respond To, what actually Turns Us On. In our culture over the last fifty years there have been a large number of movies, TV shows and books written around this particular topic. A huge number of men have lamented that what women say they want and who they actually date are all too often two very different things. Men also, all too often, are drawn to women who they think they want only to be made miserable by the actual relationship they have with that person.

Why is it that our cultural conditioning and better judgment can so easily be thrown away when that One person connects with our emotions in ways that we may not have even known were possible? The question that we may want to ask is; what is it that we are actually attracted to, what in fact turns us on? Men and women are attracted to different attributes in the opposite sex. Men are much more interested in the Replication value of the other person. Men respond to fertility indicators in women: proper hip to waist ratio, ages between sixteen and twenty six, being round and firm in all the right places. Don’t get me wrong men are interested in the personality traits of their partners but I have seen more than one man almost destroy himself in a bad relationship with an exceptionally beautiful woman who treats him horribly. What do women tend to be attracted too? Women are much more attracted to personality traits then physical ones . In study after study the number

one item women tend to be attracted to is Dominance, this does not mean domineering or abusive but rather a man who is in control of himself and the world around him. He is the Alpha Male of his group, the one who otherslook to, the one who commands physical and social recourses. Humor and Social Intelligence are high on the list of attractors and these too are traits of a high status male. Where men are looking for Replication value, women are looking for Survival value in the opposite sex. Women in the hunter/gatherer days were extremely vulnerable during late pregnancy and the early years of their children’s lives. If she could create a pair bond with the highest possible status male she was safer and thus had a much higher chance of having her offspring survive and having herself survive as well. Women also are attracted to good looks in men; good looks are indicators of good genes, but dominance/status will very often trump looks when it comes to raw attraction.

We all have known at least one woman who has gotten into a terrible relationship with the Bad Boy. We have wondered what it is that she sees in him and why she stays. Where the Bad Boy has the advantage is that he radiates the traits of a high status man. He is Dominate, he lives by his own standards, he won’t easily change his mind to fit the opinions of others, he is in charge of the relationship and never gives the women exactly what she wants making her always long for more. In other words he is perfectly suited to hit all of her instinctive attraction triggers despite the fact that this all too often does not lead to a good relationship in our modern world. As mentioned above, men will also get into destructive relationships with the wrong beautiful woman who is bursting with fertility indicators. I’m not saying all beautiful women are mean or all Bad Boys destructive, but I find it very interesting that our instinctual desires can override our better thinking and cause great damage in our lives just like the example of our craving for refined foods.

The above examples are not the only instinctual desires we possess and not all of them are ill-suited for life in the modern world. We desire to make connections with others and we are driven to create certain levels of security for ourselves and our offspring. But our instincts are perfectly attuned for a life that no longer survives. Civilization has only been available to us for about ten thousand years; we as fully developed modern humans have existed on earth for about two hundred thousand years. Our physiology has not yet had a chance to catch up to Culture. Many of our desires are simply tricks hardwired into us to generate the maximum advantage for keeping us alive and reproducing in a long gone environment. Our desire for high calorie food is no more ‘real’ then the color red or many of our self generated perceptions. I’m not advocating that we give up all desire, what I am saying is that we each need to be willing to wake up to our desires and choose which ones serve us and which ones don’t. Perhaps we can cultivate different desires. Ones that are more useful in our modern world. Desires that bring us closer to what we truly want. Desires that lead us to deeper levels of satisfaction and not just to what our ancestors would have craved fifty thousand years ago

What we see, the way we see it and what we find ourselves longing for are all far too often not as real as we are practiced at believing. Just as in the climactic scene from the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy looks behind the curtain and finds that the Wizard, who seemed so authoritative and intimidating only a moment before was nothing more than an illusion; perhaps we too can bring awareness to the forefront, look behind the curtain and see what has been an illusion for us. Once we see behind the curtain we have the ability to make conscious choices about how we want to perceive the world, how we want to interact in our world and what it is that brings us true satisfaction. If we choose to look we may find we are no longer at the mercy of the what seemed so real only a moment before; possibly we can start to navigate our lives in ways that we decide to and not in ways our ancestors were programmed to.

So now we have to ask ourselves: Is the illusion upon the curtain giving us what we want, is it leading us to true satisfaction in our personal worlds that we help create? Do we actually live in the world we Want to live in and not just the one we Expect to live in? Is what we pursue what we actually want?

Look around the space you are in right now. Do you glimpse what you want to see? Take a moment, see if you can look behind the curtain and notice if what you are really looking for is already there, if not perhaps with a little practice you can at least distinguish if what you are looking for is what you actually want. And maybe, just maybe, with a little awareness, consciousness and practice you can begin to find what you really want and start to create the path to get it

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