To recover from Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS) I will not say that a spiritual path is necessary.   I will say that a spiritual path can be extremely helpful.  I was adamantly against the idea of anything spiritual for the first half of my life, but becoming willing to explore spirituality has opened up some wonderful opportunities in recovery.  Although I know the road my spiritual development has taken, the exact direction this path may take for you will be unique to you.

 

As a kid I loved books on Greek and Roman mythology.  I understood at an early age that these were stories created by peoples with an incomplete understanding of their world for the purpose of making the universe more comprehensible.  I also understood at an early age that despite all of our scientific advances we still had a less then complete understanding of the world around us and thus all the stories we have created to describe it were not meant to be taken too seriously.  As a result of this I found myself skeptical when individuals or groups would tell me that their particular view of the universe was the Absolute Truth. 

 

Growing up inAmericamost of the cosmologies presented to me were some variation of a judgmental monotheism that demanded not only my unwavering belief but also that I ask very few questions.  The view I tended to trust the most was that of the scientists; at lest they admitted that their view was incomplete.  The scientists thrived on asking questions and built careers on looking for answers.   The answers science brings forth convey intellectual understanding and generate technological progress.  Although science has began to show us our address in the cosmos it has yet to describe our place in it.  Science brings understanding but not meaning. 

 

When Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS) started for me I would have called my self an atheist.  At the time I had a very strong problem with the idea of God (I would later discover that what I really had a problem with was everyone else’s idea of God). I knew that everything I had ever been told on the subject was most probably not empirically true.  The answers presented by religion could not be independently verified.  I was resolute that religion was wrong and therefore any spirituality was delusion. 

 

About a year after the onset of MCS the strangest thing happened, the book “Contact” by Carl Sagan just appeared on my front porch.  I asked my roommates if it was one of theirs, and even asked the next door neighbors if it belonged to them but no one knew where it had come from.  No one clamed it.  I had been a great fan of Carl Sagan.  Years before this I had thoroughly enjoyed his PBS “Cosmos” series.  I had heard good things about the book “Contact” and had wanted to read it.  So I did.  It was about Earth’s first contact with an extraterrestrial race.  That race had sent us a broadcast that gave us plans for building a machine that would transport a few people to the beings that sent the message.  Once I picked it up I did not want to put it down.  I savored each page.  I would think about the book when I was at work.  I even dreamed about it while I slept.  I was enamored by the ideas it presented.  In the end there was a twist.  The people that traveled in the machine were left with no proof that they had met a different race of beings.  They had the experience but could not prove it.  The same arguments that the main character had used against the religious figures in the book were now being used against them.  The religious figures could not prove what they experienced to be real but then again neither could the people who had traveled in the machine (see appendix #1).

 

I was mesmerized by the idea that what was not real for me could perhaps still be real for you even thought it could not be proved.  I went to my job that night and reflected on how the book had ended.  I was in a thought filled trance when about three hours into my shift something happened.  Suddenly I felt like someone had hit me hard. My mind completely shut down for about a second, every thing went black.  When I came to I was still standing but I knew something had changed.  I knew for the first time in my life that a sense of the spiritual was possible.  In that one moment of physical shock I had gone from an atheist to an agnostic.  I had for the first time in my life become open to the possibility of a spiritual experience (see appendix #2).

 

In a rebooting of my mind I gained a willingness to explore the possibility of a personal spiritual experience. That willingness has confirmed itself to be one of the greatest tools I have had at my disposal in finding answers to MSC.  That willingness has proven to be the cornerstone to three revolutions of thought that I would be necessary for recovery.  The first revolution took place while learning to stop drinking.  The second took place while exploring Zen Buddhism.  The third came about while devouring roughly eight thousand pages of book on physics.  Each of these completely changed the way I viewed the world.  Each was necessary to my personal recovery.  Each could only have happened because I became open to a personal spiritual experience.

 

If we choose to be open to a spiritual experience the form it takes will be different for each of us.  What stories we place around the concept of spirituality will be uniquely our own even if we share stories with others in a group (see appendix #3).  The ideas we have around our own higher power will be ours alone.  The only thing I can say for sure about your own relationship with your higher power is that your relationship with it will change as you do.  Don’t become too attached to your particular view point.  If you have sufficient desire and belief to move forward when things are tough you will change as a person as you get healthier.  Let your spirituality change as you do.

 

 

Appendix #1 – Oddly a week after I read the book it disappeared just as suddenly as it had appeared.  I had put the book in my closet and when I went to look for it, it was gone.  When I moved out later I expected to find it when packing.  I did not.  Just as no one laid claim to where it had come from no one knew where it had gone.

 

 

Appendix #2 – That night, a person who I had talked to only briefly before this, came up to me  and said that they had an overwhelming feeling that they should ask me if I wanted to go to church with them the next day.  I politely declined but was amazed that what had happened to me was strong enough that someone else had picked up on it some way.

 

 

Appendix #3 – Spirituality is something we do one on one with our higher power.  Religion is something we do in a group.  Although religion can be helpful for some of us in maintaining our spirituality, it is only that one on one relationship with your higher power that will truly assist in our recovery.