When MCS first becomes a reality for us, our live are often filled with many items we have, up until that time, taken for granted: personal care products, clothing, cleaning supplies, electronics, etc… When most of us first get sick we go through a period of confusion and denial. For months or years we may have no idea why we feel terrible all the time. Many of us go through numerous standard healing channels attempting to get better; often hoping that somewhere there is a doctor that can just give us a pill that will return us to health. Eventually a lot of us figure out that it is, in fact these things that we have filled our lives with that are causing the problem: the car we have driven for years makes us sick, the shampoo we have used since we were a teenager fogs out our brains, or perhaps the clothing we have filled our closets with for several years is made out of a fabrics and dyes that we can now no longer tolerate.

In response to discovering what MCS is and that we have it; we often go through a phase of letting items we once took for granted drop away. For myself my full wardrobe was reduces to less then a dozen items, my bathroom had only a bar of soap - down from my previous full inventory of personal care products, my bed became an organically grown cotton futon with no pillows and I had to get rid of my relatively new car. Fashion, comfort, and convenience were all let go in the name of trying to not be in a constant state of severer MCS reaction. The definition of a ‘quality environment’ had taken on an entirely new meaning then it had only a few years before. 

Don’t get me wrong, for me this process of letting go was not done overnight and was not always done with a cheery smile; it was a process of gradually letting go of things I was often quite attached to. It took (looking back on it) longer then it perhaps should have and was often done with a fair amount of cursing and holding on to some items tooth and nail. I had, in many ways, liked my previous life; I loved good cloths, interesting hair styles, and the convenience of my well running car. To get better I had to give up other choices as well; drinking and smoking had to go and I absolutely loved smoking. I enjoyed the freedom to buy and consume items because they fit into my budget and lifestyle, instead of having to choose primarily on their status as an MCS trigger. But these choices had to be made.

During this time I tried to adopt a positive attitude of ‘Just doing what ever is needed to feel better’, or at least keep this attitude as much as possible. Keeping a positive stance on this was at times easier with some items then others. Let’s face it, I didn’t really care what deodorant I used as long as it did the job. Nor did I care what kind of kitchen appliance I was using either. The category of items that was purely functional, could be easily replaced, and had no emotional attachment associated with them. They tended to be the easiest set. Next were items such as my car, I liked that car and it was the newest vehicle I have ever owned. It was a position that I was actually proud of. I still had a motorcycle that I drove as my only vehicle for years after this, but in Seattle Washington driving a motorcycle year around can present its own set of challenges. There was an entirely different class of items, such as the car, that did at times have some emotional value to them but giving them up was really more about making my life more difficult. They were the items given up that could not be, at least easily, replaced. 

The category of items that I most did not want to let go was the ones that I had the strongest attachment to, the ones that I had created identity meaning toward. Really these were not just individual items such as my favorite jacket, a styling jell I used to love or an end table that I thought looked really good in my apartment but rather larger categories such as fashion and style. In my late teens and early twenties I had a great love for interesting shirts, paired with skinny ties, stylish jackets with eye catching broaches, all topped off with interesting hair styles. A friend of mine who had not seen me in twenty years but whom I have recently re-connected with told me about one of the first times she saw me, “I’ll never forget you leaning up against the red Volkswagen Jetta, smoking your cigarette with that black jacket you used to love so much. You had on that silver and green skinny tie with the dancing figures sewn into the front and your hair just coming down in from of your eyes. You looked so cool…” Now, of course this was the end of the 80’s and this sort of look was ‘in’ at the time but I really miss being able to dress well. I am at heart what would have been called a ‘dandy’ a century ago. I love fashion, not what is necessarily fashionable at the time but creating my own look and standing out. What is often referred to ‘peacocking’ in today’s club crowd. I really do think that out of all the things I had to give up with the onset of MCS fashion was the most difficult, or perhaps more precisely easily purchased stylish clothing.

At the time I tried to keep as detached an attitude as possible; to see that each item I gave up brought me closer to feeling better. During this time there was simply nothing as important as regaining my health. Everything took a back seat to the idea that one day I would again be able to spend time without a constant and severer MCS reaction. But something I did not do was try and honor just how much of what was given up really meant to me; things that to this day I’m still made a little sad by when I think about them. 

So what do I mean by honoring what we have let go? One thing I do not mean is giving up all hope of getting them back. I have the belief that one day I will be free or MCS; whether or not this turns out to be true is irrelevant, it is a thought that has kept me sane for the last twenty two years. What I do mean by honoring what we have let go is to take a moment and really feel the impact that the loss (temporary or not) has on us as we strive to regain our lives. I’m not only talking about really feeling the impact of an item’s loss but also being thankful for letting it go so we can begin to feel better and being thankful for the space it makes for better things to come. 

For every change we make with MCS, there is both a loss and a gain. Taking a moment and truly feeling the impact of both the loss and the impact of the gain will help with the transition. Every time we let go of something go we not only have the opportunity to feel better because a MCS trigger is being removed from our environment but also letting go makes a space within us that can be filled by new and better things to come. If I get rid of cloths that I can no longer wear then there is now room for new cloths that can both look good and don’t cause a MCS reaction. If I am no longer finically burdened by a vehicle that is making me sick I now have freed up resources to get transportation that will work for me. If I let go of people in my life that are unwilling to accommodate MCS then there is now room in my life for those who will.

So when I talk about honoring these sometimes hard transitions I am really talking about feeling the pain of the loss associated with letting go and also feeling the lightening and wonder associated with the expectations of better things to come.

So, take a moment and ask yourself if there is something that MCS has required that you put aside for the time being that you may still be holding on too? If needed make a list of such items. Is this holding on in a physical or just an emotional way? Once you have something in mind ask yourself what you will miss (or do miss) the most about it? Ask in what way will this make me feel better when it is gone (or when it was let go of)? Then ask what space giving it up will make in your life for new and better things to come? If need be, do this for as many items as is required. I suspect that as you go through a list you will begin to feel lighter and freer before you know it. Holding on to a past life keeps us stuck in place, letting items go, even if it is just temporary, will allow each of us to move on more rapidly as we strive toward our own individual definition of Thriving.